i find myself stumbling,
no motivation, i'm fumbling
my days away, my goals have strayed.
no self restrain, i can't refrain
from technology.
for this, my sincerest apology.
its a modern affliction,
the worst kind of addiction.
worse than drugs, alcohol, or porn
for it has torn, more lives apart
than we are able to start.
cheating, lying, stealing;
all things worth concealing
on our devices,
and these, are our vices.
Over the past month i've lost my GoPro as well as the hard drive that held every bit of my experience of Kosrae; almost 700GB of pictures and video. As i "mourn my loss" reality has sunk in. i no longer have anything to show for the past 9 months.
Wait, is that what i'm here for? to take pictures and video so that i can show my family and friends "this cool thing i did"? Well, no. Had i stayed home, i'd be taking the last midterms of my undergrad with finals and graduation on the horizon. i'd be sending out resumes, doing interviews, and planning my future career. i'd be set on a path of no return, a goal in mind, with no time for mission work. Is that what God put me here for?
i took this year to give my time, my energy, and my body to help someone else before i was set on a crash course called adulthood. Sure, we can all be missionaries in our own right, but i wanted something more. Have i found it? Did i get that "something more"? i'm not sure. Maybe i'll find it in the next month, or maybe it won't find me until that kid i taught that one time when i was in college finds me on Facebook to tell me that he's now enrolled at Walla Walla University and wants to reconnect. i don't know how i fit into the Master Plan, but what i do know is: we don't need pictures, or video, or even blogs to show others what we're doing, our actions and memories of how God put us in a place that He needed is enough.
Updates: A story about Sam is in the works, its finicky. We didn't realize how lucky we were to have a truck until ours broke, being vehicleless makes obtaining food very hard. A mouse ate our sponge, hopefully he dies, this is a brand new apartment we're talking about. On that note, all of God's creatures are important, but sometimes sin has marred that, and things like mice do more damage than good, kind of like humans, except without the redemption story. Happy late Easter? i'm tired of texting my friends, i'm pretty excited being home with face to face communications. As the days drag by, i get less and less excited about leaving. those last two statements are contradictory, but trust me, its possible. I have a bruised bone in my hand so im limited on what i can do, hello yoga? 1 month until i'm on a plane to Guam. 2 months until im back stateside.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Reset
i shuffled across the carpet (a very important accessory often taken for granted) towards the kitchen. Laid out on the table before me were four types of cereal, more varieties of fruit than i'd seen in six months, a bowl, and silverware. Was this the "culture shock" i'd heard so much about? Or maybe it was my still half delusional mind playing tricks on me. Then, the night before came pouring back, "Do you like cereal? What about fruit? What's your favorite? i wake up early, i'll get you what you want before you wake up. Are we coddling you? We like taking care of our kids.". This was all spewed forth in the matter of 4-5 seconds, and before i could reply, the breakfast feast appeared. Ah, parents.
When i had arrived that Tuesday night, i was rushed to the SDA clinic, pumped full of IV fluid and antibiotics, poked a few times (some for good luck), and sent home with Steve and Carmen Kasperbauer (their son, Lawrence, is on Kosrae working on the school remodel-aka our roommate). i spent the next three days routinely plodding into the clinic, checking in, peeing in a cup, getting blood drawn, and sitting with an IV drip; classic. After a minor liver mishap (liver enzymes quadrupled in 4 days) and a few more bio hazardous samples, i was healthy enough to go back to my island home, still unsure of what disease(s) i'd contracted.
Side story: Due to unknown reasons (conspiracy theory: it was a bomb) me and Sam Robinson (will post story on him later) were stranded on the Guam tarmac for 3 hours and then forced to stay on Majuro (no time to stop at Kosrae) for two days. While there we met a man looking to give free solar and wind power to a lucky party via US grants. Naturally, Sam took care of him, and set him up with the SDA school there.
Weeks later, i think the super bug is as follows: Zika Virus mixed with a minor bacterial infection and parasite which resulted in hepatitis.
Though i'd trade the trip to Guam if i could've stayed healthy, being away was a good "reset". While i was "resetting", i was surrounded by people who were more in tune with God than i knew was possible. It was an opportunity to take an outside look into the way God works, take a break from school, and get my head on straight for the rest of the year. Sometimes we get so focused on where we are at the moment, that we forget to see the big picture. God has a bigger plan than your day tomorrow, but stick with him, focus on that day to day, and He'll put the pieces together.
Updates: its been awhile, a lot has happened, not much has changed. We have a new apartment (next year's principle will be living large, his apartment is great). Only 6 weeks left until we leave, 20 more days of class. Shun me if you want, but if i hear one more John Mayer song, i think i'll pop. After not knowing the alphabet phonics at the beginning of the year, my first graders have started to read (a true miracle from God). Blogging is hard after awhile in the same place, so i'll try my best to write a better one next time. We surfed a lot (after the construction finishes at 4pm) the past few weeks, that is, until our truck blew a head gasket due to a coolant hose leak. The electrician turned off the old apartment's power over the weekend....we had frozen fish in both freezers, my nose buds are fried, and so are the rest of the people's on Kosrae. Clarissa visited for her spring break. The GMM president and Uncle Steve Kasperbauer also visited. i'm officially leaving on May 27th (bittersweet, will blog on it later). Time to sign up for next year's classes....are you ready? Operation real life is almost a go.
Fung wo (goodnight),
Tyler
When i had arrived that Tuesday night, i was rushed to the SDA clinic, pumped full of IV fluid and antibiotics, poked a few times (some for good luck), and sent home with Steve and Carmen Kasperbauer (their son, Lawrence, is on Kosrae working on the school remodel-aka our roommate). i spent the next three days routinely plodding into the clinic, checking in, peeing in a cup, getting blood drawn, and sitting with an IV drip; classic. After a minor liver mishap (liver enzymes quadrupled in 4 days) and a few more bio hazardous samples, i was healthy enough to go back to my island home, still unsure of what disease(s) i'd contracted.
Side story: Due to unknown reasons (conspiracy theory: it was a bomb) me and Sam Robinson (will post story on him later) were stranded on the Guam tarmac for 3 hours and then forced to stay on Majuro (no time to stop at Kosrae) for two days. While there we met a man looking to give free solar and wind power to a lucky party via US grants. Naturally, Sam took care of him, and set him up with the SDA school there.
Weeks later, i think the super bug is as follows: Zika Virus mixed with a minor bacterial infection and parasite which resulted in hepatitis.
Though i'd trade the trip to Guam if i could've stayed healthy, being away was a good "reset". While i was "resetting", i was surrounded by people who were more in tune with God than i knew was possible. It was an opportunity to take an outside look into the way God works, take a break from school, and get my head on straight for the rest of the year. Sometimes we get so focused on where we are at the moment, that we forget to see the big picture. God has a bigger plan than your day tomorrow, but stick with him, focus on that day to day, and He'll put the pieces together.
Updates: its been awhile, a lot has happened, not much has changed. We have a new apartment (next year's principle will be living large, his apartment is great). Only 6 weeks left until we leave, 20 more days of class. Shun me if you want, but if i hear one more John Mayer song, i think i'll pop. After not knowing the alphabet phonics at the beginning of the year, my first graders have started to read (a true miracle from God). Blogging is hard after awhile in the same place, so i'll try my best to write a better one next time. We surfed a lot (after the construction finishes at 4pm) the past few weeks, that is, until our truck blew a head gasket due to a coolant hose leak. The electrician turned off the old apartment's power over the weekend....we had frozen fish in both freezers, my nose buds are fried, and so are the rest of the people's on Kosrae. Clarissa visited for her spring break. The GMM president and Uncle Steve Kasperbauer also visited. i'm officially leaving on May 27th (bittersweet, will blog on it later). Time to sign up for next year's classes....are you ready? Operation real life is almost a go.
Fung wo (goodnight),
Tyler
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