i don't post many negative (negative may not be the correct word, but i'm struggling to find a more appropriate one) things here, but this post may be a little different.
As i sat nervous and excited on the plane in Jacksonville, i sent up a short prayer, "God, use me, help me to keep my head, calm my nerves. Amen" It was short and simple, yet it conveyed every emotion i was feeling. That prayer was more powerful to me in that instant than any "thou thee thy holy thanks" prayer could every be. Now, don't be confused. i'm not condemning formal prayer, but rather confining its ever over reaching arms within its appropriate cage. Each form of intercession is equally powerful (and heard), but the context in which it's used dramatically affects the earthly impact of the prayer.
The question then arises, does the earthly impact of our prayer really matter? YES. Let me explain:
In an effort to push the congregation away from their cookie-cutter routine, we're meeting at 5am for a short talk every day this week. What started as a spiritually refreshing and invigorating experience has turned into an ordeal of dread and hate. We were enticed by the efficient yet meaningful service. It was a breath of fresh air amidst a myriad of monotonous church, midweek, and vespers services. Though the service contained not a single word of English, the peace and calm of the morning created a deeply spiritual atmosphere in which we worshiped. It was both earthly and spiritually meaningful to me, but that soon changed. Day three provided me with the nourishment i needed in a brief fifteen minute spiel, again, though in Kosraean, still powerful. What followed then ruined not only that meeting, but also the two days prior. We were jested at and unwillingly given solos (or in my case, laughed at for NOT singing) to sing for next week's Sabbath School . For the next hour and a half the congregation proceeded in practicing a total of two songs. This, though still spiritually received as worship, was earthly detrimental and ill received. Given the correct circumstances (not at 5:15am Sunday morning on our Christmas break), the harm done would have been nil. Instead, i go to bed tonight dreading my alarm; my dreams are filled with foreboding scenarios of tomorrow's practice.
As i told a friend tonight, our situation here in life is delicate. How we interact and present ourselves is not only the biggest challenge, but also the most important part of our interpersonal relationships. Creating an accepting and inviting atmosphere can open the door to many great improvements, but at the same time, harboring an inhospitable attitude can cause a bitter taste in the mouth of those involved.
As i gazed out of that airplane window that morning, watching my last Floridian sunrise, i made a promise to myself, "i will not miss anything from home". The promise wasn't in hatred of home, but in embracing a new life, a new experience, and a new chapter. i'd like to publicly break that promise right now: i miss church. i miss the Sabbath.
Updates: a group rant, a few prayers, and a late night walk to the beach has somewhat soothed (not solved) our predicament. see next blog (maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, possibly next month) for more updates.
Sleeplessly,
Tyler
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
A Warm (cold) Welcome
This post is brought to you in honor of the SMUCS (Student Missionary Universal Charter Service) month-and-a-half-aversary.
Every Friday we offer to take students to church through our SMUCS (a very made up and unofficial name). This week, though seemingly no different than the last, was special. It was our month-and-a-half-aversary (also very made up and unofficial). In honor of the month-and-a-half-aversary, i was given a special welcome at one of the houses.
i stepped out of the van (a diesel powered, armored tank) and made my way up the makeshift earth steps to the front door. After taking note of the sleeping dog and hollering "tuwo" (good morning) a few times, i announced "knocking" and opened the door. A sleepy head popped out of the bedroom and shook slowly; "not today" it muttered, and i slipped out quietly. As i closed the door, the kid in the van (kids have a hard describing where they live. i have a hard time describing where they live: "that house after that pothole that's behind that tree and around the corner from that bridge" so i take a guide) raised his eyebrows (asking "yes?") and i quickly shook my head "no". Mid head shake and earthy stair navigation, i heard steps run up behind me and then a tug on my pants. It was in that moment that i realized that these were not people steps, no, they were doggy steps: angry, self conscience, cowardice, and stealthy doggy steps. As his teeth clamped shut on my calf, i spun around on my barefoot heal and let out a deep, guttural growl. The dog immediately wilted, tucked in his tail, and slunk off to his spot in the shade. i turned back around and walked/half-limped confidently (can you limp confidently?) towards the van. i left there a stronger man while the dog wallowed in his shame and shattered ego.
Updates: My little brother has drawn more blood biting me than this dog did. Rabies doesn't exist here. We had 9 non-SDA students in church this week. Thanksgiving was celebrated twice this year, and eaten 5 times (celebrated here and at the resort). Thank you (heh) to everyone who sent us Thanksgiving food in the mail, we threw a great big feast for the Pastor and his family Sunday night, and thank you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the next day as well. Please ignore all grammar mistakes made in the "Updates" section, this portion is exempt from censorship and language filtering. The two students in my class who have the least amount of check marks (check = brought water) are the two that missed the most school due to sickness this quarter. The dumb, heart shape handled mug broke tonight, we celebrated (who makes a mug that you can't hold without getting burnt?). We caved and bought Tasty Bread this week, we have now spent $45.00 on white flour, sugar, yeast, and shortening (<-- Tasty Bread). i've developed a weird habit of waking up for about an hour in the middle of the night, i hate it. i need to write more, i'm falling behind. The rats (maybe cats) are playing in our ceiling right now, the pitter-patter of their paws is oddly relaxing.
Don't mope,
Tyler
Every Friday we offer to take students to church through our SMUCS (a very made up and unofficial name). This week, though seemingly no different than the last, was special. It was our month-and-a-half-aversary (also very made up and unofficial). In honor of the month-and-a-half-aversary, i was given a special welcome at one of the houses.
i stepped out of the van (a diesel powered, armored tank) and made my way up the makeshift earth steps to the front door. After taking note of the sleeping dog and hollering "tuwo" (good morning) a few times, i announced "knocking" and opened the door. A sleepy head popped out of the bedroom and shook slowly; "not today" it muttered, and i slipped out quietly. As i closed the door, the kid in the van (kids have a hard describing where they live. i have a hard time describing where they live: "that house after that pothole that's behind that tree and around the corner from that bridge" so i take a guide) raised his eyebrows (asking "yes?") and i quickly shook my head "no". Mid head shake and earthy stair navigation, i heard steps run up behind me and then a tug on my pants. It was in that moment that i realized that these were not people steps, no, they were doggy steps: angry, self conscience, cowardice, and stealthy doggy steps. As his teeth clamped shut on my calf, i spun around on my barefoot heal and let out a deep, guttural growl. The dog immediately wilted, tucked in his tail, and slunk off to his spot in the shade. i turned back around and walked/half-limped confidently (can you limp confidently?) towards the van. i left there a stronger man while the dog wallowed in his shame and shattered ego.
Updates: My little brother has drawn more blood biting me than this dog did. Rabies doesn't exist here. We had 9 non-SDA students in church this week. Thanksgiving was celebrated twice this year, and eaten 5 times (celebrated here and at the resort). Thank you (heh) to everyone who sent us Thanksgiving food in the mail, we threw a great big feast for the Pastor and his family Sunday night, and thank you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the next day as well. Please ignore all grammar mistakes made in the "Updates" section, this portion is exempt from censorship and language filtering. The two students in my class who have the least amount of check marks (check = brought water) are the two that missed the most school due to sickness this quarter. The dumb, heart shape handled mug broke tonight, we celebrated (who makes a mug that you can't hold without getting burnt?). We caved and bought Tasty Bread this week, we have now spent $45.00 on white flour, sugar, yeast, and shortening (<-- Tasty Bread). i've developed a weird habit of waking up for about an hour in the middle of the night, i hate it. i need to write more, i'm falling behind. The rats (maybe cats) are playing in our ceiling right now, the pitter-patter of their paws is oddly relaxing.
Don't mope,
Tyler
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