i don't post many negative (negative may not be the correct word, but i'm struggling to find a more appropriate one) things here, but this post may be a little different.
As i sat nervous and excited on the plane in Jacksonville, i sent up a short prayer, "God, use me, help me to keep my head, calm my nerves. Amen" It was short and simple, yet it conveyed every emotion i was feeling. That prayer was more powerful to me in that instant than any "thou thee thy holy thanks" prayer could every be. Now, don't be confused. i'm not condemning formal prayer, but rather confining its ever over reaching arms within its appropriate cage. Each form of intercession is equally powerful (and heard), but the context in which it's used dramatically affects the earthly impact of the prayer.
The question then arises, does the earthly impact of our prayer really matter? YES. Let me explain:
In an effort to push the congregation away from their cookie-cutter routine, we're meeting at 5am for a short talk every day this week. What started as a spiritually refreshing and invigorating experience has turned into an ordeal of dread and hate. We were enticed by the efficient yet meaningful service. It was a breath of fresh air amidst a myriad of monotonous church, midweek, and vespers services. Though the service contained not a single word of English, the peace and calm of the morning created a deeply spiritual atmosphere in which we worshiped. It was both earthly and spiritually meaningful to me, but that soon changed. Day three provided me with the nourishment i needed in a brief fifteen minute spiel, again, though in Kosraean, still powerful. What followed then ruined not only that meeting, but also the two days prior. We were jested at and unwillingly given solos (or in my case, laughed at for NOT singing) to sing for next week's Sabbath School . For the next hour and a half the congregation proceeded in practicing a total of two songs. This, though still spiritually received as worship, was earthly detrimental and ill received. Given the correct circumstances (not at 5:15am Sunday morning on our Christmas break), the harm done would have been nil. Instead, i go to bed tonight dreading my alarm; my dreams are filled with foreboding scenarios of tomorrow's practice.
As i told a friend tonight, our situation here in life is delicate. How we interact and present ourselves is not only the biggest challenge, but also the most important part of our interpersonal relationships. Creating an accepting and inviting atmosphere can open the door to many great improvements, but at the same time, harboring an inhospitable attitude can cause a bitter taste in the mouth of those involved.
As i gazed out of that airplane window that morning, watching my last Floridian sunrise, i made a promise to myself, "i will not miss anything from home". The promise wasn't in hatred of home, but in embracing a new life, a new experience, and a new chapter. i'd like to publicly break that promise right now: i miss church. i miss the Sabbath.
Updates: a group rant, a few prayers, and a late night walk to the beach has somewhat soothed (not solved) our predicament. see next blog (maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, possibly next month) for more updates.
Sleeplessly,
Tyler
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